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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23382685">Not Ever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapsMama/pseuds/perhapsMama'>perhapsMama</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:55:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23382685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapsMama/pseuds/perhapsMama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>sorry i haven't been updating as of late lmao <br/>I've been busy eatin vegetables, sleeping, and writing stuff but never finishing it <br/>what did bill do? <br/>call you a racist thing, be a stupid dum dum idiot, eat the last dinner roll, shove you a little too roughly? who knows!</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bill Williamson/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Ever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>sorry i haven't been updating as of late lmao <br/>I've been busy eatin vegetables, sleeping, and writing stuff but never finishing it <br/>what did bill do? <br/>call you a racist thing, be a stupid dum dum idiot, eat the last dinner roll, shove you a little too roughly? who knows!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There's tension thick in the air. Bill can feel it, she can feel it. Hell, even the fence post can feel it. He knows what he said was wrong, and seeing the betrayal in her gaze broke his heart. His heart. God, when did he ever use that word when it came to speaking about himself?</p>
<p>She doesn't look at him now, and he wants to try so desperately to find her gaze. He sees her swallowing the lump in her throat, her fists clenching at her sides, and for a moment he thinks she's about to hit him. But instead, she turns to walk away.</p>
<p>There's something that he refuses to call panic welling up in his chest and kicking the shit out of his heart as he just about chokes out a response. </p>
<p>She's climbing onto her horse now, and this is it. In a moment she'll be gone, and Bill is damn certain he'll be alone once more. He goes back to moping around, getting scolded by the others. Fucks some whores. Drink himself blind. Trying not to get killed. </p>
<p>He'll spend the rest of his life miserable and alone. </p>
<p>"Wait, I-" he croaks, before clearing his throat. </p>
<p>She pauses, her foot in mid-air, mere inches from spurring her horse forth. </p>
<p>He stumbled towards her and falls to his knees, not even caring about the mud soaking into his jeans. "Please, I-I'm sorry." He hasn't said those words since he was in the war. A brief image of him shining the general's shoes emerge in his mind. "I'm sorry," he repeats, brushing those thoughts away. "I shouldn'ta said... I won't... not ever again, I swear."</p>
<p>His eyes burn, and his vision blurs slightly due to the tears welling up in his eyes, but he blinks them away and shakes his head. "I ain't-" his voice is almost comically high-pitched, but he clears it and takes a breath. "I know I ain't good. I ain't good at bein' what you want me to be," clenching his jaw, he coughs and breathes out a sigh. "But I- ah, I wanna be what you want. I swear," his hand comes up to grab at the ankle of her boot, which was still hovering over her horse's ribs, and he runs his thumb over the worn leather. </p>
<p>After a moment - which feels like a lifetime - she finally slid down from her horse, standing in front of him. Her brows are furrowed, but her hands are no longer balled into fists. And suddenly he leans forward and throws his arms around her waist, choking out a soft sob. </p>
<p>"I swear, I swear I'll be good, promise," he begs, almost like a prayer. </p>
<p>When he was in the war, Bill swore he would never cower, beg, or apologize ever again. Even when he was beaten down and punished. Even when he was trampled and stomped on by the enemy, he never backed down. But then, he realizes he'll two all three if she just stayed with him in the gang. </p>
<p>Twenty years ago it would have disgusted him, to stoop so low to beg for the hand of a woman. But now, he simply cannot fathom his life without her.</p>
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